37 week update

Today I am 37 weeks and 5 days. I went yesterday for my weekly doctor appointment and check up. Baby looks great. Heartbeat was strong and steady right where it should be and she continues to measure perfectly on at 37 ish weeks. The RN checked my cervix again and we went from being closed and thick to 2 cm and thinning. So that is good news. My body is prepping for the baby's arrival. She did remind me that I could walk around at 2 cms for a long time and nothing else change but we are hoping for that not to be the case. I am having some contractions just not regular enough and strong enough for me to come into the hospital. My next appointment will be Monday the 31st. If I haven't made any progress, and actually even if I have, the doctor said he will strip my membranes and help my body along in this process. We will also be scheduling the induction date for the next week. It is so weird because I have never gotten to this point of thinking of membrane stripping and inductions in any of my other pregnancies. We will have to continue to wait and see when Ms. Charlotte decides to make her big appearance, maybe she'll be the first baby of the new year???

37 weeks!

Here we are at 37 weeks! It's so nice to know that we have made it this far and just weeks or days till we all get to meet Ms. Charlotte. I have been keeping busy and feeling pretty good. But it is Christmas eve and today I am taking it super duper easy! Today and tomorrow are really the only days I hope Charlotte doesn't decide to arrive. I want everyone to be able to celebrate at home but after tomorrow I am gonna do my best to get Charlotte to start to make her way into this world. I am getting anxious to meet her, my family and friends are getting anxious and I know the dads are getting anxious!

At the end of my 36th week I went to the doctor again and all was great! Baby was moving and heartrate was in the 150's, right where it should be. The doctor also checked my cervix to see if there was any progress that had been made between my 34th and 36th weeks and surprisingly to me no change had been made. My cervix was closed (has to dilate to 10 for delivery), thick (must thin to prep for delivery), and the baby's head was high. But her head is still down which is the way we need it. It was good news meaning that she was in no huge rush to be here before Christmas. She is content to bake a bit longer. The next appointment will be after Christmas and we will again be checking my cervix every week from now on and if she hasn't made any progress by 38 weeks we may talk about stripping my membranes and by 39 weeks we will start induction talks. I am hoping she will do this on her own but this pregnancy has been so different that she is gonna decide when it happens. I am just happy we are out of the scary zone and in the safe zone for delivery.

I am still having the Braxton Hicks contractions and the super duper heaviness as I walk. I am sleeping a bit better at night but still up a lot and trying to reposition myself, which is not an easy task. I am getting my pregnancy appetite finally, better late than never I guess. Because once I start eating something that I like I really can't stop. Lucky for me that I have gained minimal weight so far so any weight at this point isn't too bad. I am still growing though that's for sure. I had to go out and buy some more maternity clothes, which killed me since we know we don't have long, but my kids kept reminding me that my tummy was showing. 

One more pic of us growing...

 

36 weeks!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

 I feel as big as Santa. This is me getting ready to go to our Surrogate Christmas party and I really am feeling big. I can tell that we are getting close to the end. I am now having trouble sleeping, getting comfortable, and finding a place that Charlotte is comfy too. I get tired really easy, out of breath with walking and she feels really heavy! None of these thing out of the ordinary for the end of pregnancy but wow am I uncomfortable. My hips are killing me, not sure if they are stretching and prepping my body for delivery or just hurting from laying on my side continuously. I can't sleep or lay on my back because Charlotte is so big that can cut off blood flow to me! It makes me dizzy and nausous and definately not comfy.

I have not been back to the doctor yet so still don't know if we are getting closer or still just in a holding and growing pattern. I can tell shes growing though because my shirts  are getting shorter and my belly is just growing straight out. I can't imagine how big Charlotte is now. She's still very active and it is fun now to feel big lumps and watch my belly distort as she gets comfy.

I have had some false alarms this week. Since I am not really sleeping well I feel all kinds of action, mostly at night. Few nights ago I contracted for about 2 hours at 20 min apart and thought well maybe this is it.... but I finally fell asleep while watching a movie. When I woke up they contractions were gone so it was obviously a false alarm.  Again last night I contracted to where the contractions were way more painful and just rode them out but they didn't get closer in time and eventually calmed down to where I could fall asleep. But then there are other days and nights where I feel great and feel like Charlotte has settled in for the long haul. Not sure when she is going to make her entrance but I am getting excited to meet her.

I also wanted to attach some pictures of some really special ladies that have helped and continue to help me through this journey. The agency that we have gone through is so amazing. They make every step of the way so much easier for us surrogates. We try to get together and share our thoughts, feelings, worries, and experiences monthly with each other. These ladies are some of the most thoughtful and unselfish people with the biggest hearts and I am lucky to be a part of this amazing group.

This is a pic of our Surrogate Christmas party. All these ladies are super surrogates that are helping others dreams come true!

And this lady is the one that made all of this possible. This is Alicia and I, and baby Charlotte, of course. Alicia is the owner of the Gift of Surrogacy and really one of my best friends. She truly is an amazing woman that has helped and continues to help so many families grow. I love the support and laughs that she gives me. I can't be more thankful for her coming into all of our lives!!!

 

 

35 weeks!!

35 weeks and getting huge, well at least feeling huge! We started the 35th week with a big family brunch. The IF's came up for brunch with me, my husband, my kids, my parents and the IF's. It was so nice to have my two families together! We had a great time introducing our kids to the dads and they loved putting faces to names and stories of the IF's. It also didn't hurt that the dads brought them all Christmas presents that they got to open and enjoy that day. We then took a quick ride over to the hospital to show the dads where we will be when the time comes. I showed em the entrances and the floor where we will deliver, my work at the NICU, and the floor where we will all recover and enjoy Ms. Charlotte. It made it all really real for all of us. I know that they want me to hold out till after Christmas and I hope that happens for them but I don't think it will.

 I have been feeling good. But there are times throughout the day and night that I feel that she is so heavy and just gonna fall out anytime. Like tonight I have been having this feeling that anytime I stand up my water is gonna break and off to the hospital we will go. I have had some contractions for the last few hours but nothing progressive so I continue to hydrate with lots of water and rest rest rest. It is just so hard because I wanna hold out longer but I know that my body and Charlotte are on their own time frame. What does amaze me is that with all of the technology in baby making why can't the doctors tell us exactly when she will be here?

 

34 weeks

A quick pic of me and Charlotte  at 34 weeks and in line to see Santa!

34 weeks

    34 weeks started out very interesting. I went to my normal doctors appointment and came home on modified bed rest with no work for two weeks! eek!! I told the doctor that I had been having some random contractions, as many as 3-5 an hour with an increase after working and lots of heavy pressure from Charlotte being so low. His response was to check my cervix to see where we are. And to my surprise and his I am 1.5-2 cm dilated. That isn't that far since I have to get to 10 cm to deliver Charlotte but seeing that I am still only 34 weeks he was not wanting me to work anymore. So I am off work for at least 2 weeks. I am to stay off my feet as much as possible and rest and relax a lot.
    So I went home and have been doing just that for the last 3 days. My husband has really been such an amazing help. He is for sure husband of the year! He doesn't want me to do anything that may set me into labor. He was laid off his job 3 weeks ago and I know that everything happens for a reason and maybe this was the reason, to help me grow Charlotte for a few more weeks. I am so blessed to have him!!!
    The doctor also said he won't stop my labor after I turn 35 weeks, this Sunday! Oh my that is really soon! I know better than anyone she needs more cooking time! I am gonna do all I can to keep her baking for at least 2 more weeks. But I also know that my body and Charlotte are on their own time frame and will come when she is ready. I just really really hope that they dads can get here in time! I really want them to be able to experience this amazing time!
    Since the doctor appointment all has been well. Still having some random contractions but really have died down since I stopped working and doing much. I have had some trouble sleeping but am feeling rested and I can tell that has helped my body settle in, hopefully for another 2-3 weeks.
Fingers and legs crossed!

33 weeks

33 weeks and getting close! I keep getting told, "oh my gosh she's dropped!" or "she's so low!" and trust me I feel it. I remember feeling this with my last just a few weeks before I delivered. She just feels heavy and keeps the pressure on my bladder! I am also starting to really feel the Braxton Hicks contractions and also some painful contractions here and there. Nothing to be too excited about but definitely showing me my body is moving toward delivery!!! It is so crazy to think that pretty soon this experience will be over. I have really started to enjoy the pregnancy and the feeling of helping. The one thing that really has surprised me about the surrogacy is the amount pressure I feel to give this family a perfectly healthy term baby. No one has put this pressure on me it's just myself. I try to put myself in their situation and really started to realize how hard it must be for them to have no control over their most precious cargo. I know that I have and will continue to do everything just perfectly and somethings are still out of my control. I just want the best for these parents and this baby. For example, earlier in the week I went to bed after working and got up a few times during my sleep and didn't feel Charlotte move. Not too weird because she was probably sleeping with me. But after I woke and had something to eat and some orange juice I still didn't feel her active self. Long story short I went to triage at Labor and Delivery to be hooked up to the monitors just to check her heart rate and movement. All was fine and I was probably worrying for nothing but I just didn't want anything to be wrong. If that had been one of my own kids I am not sure that I would have gone to triage but in this situation I felt super responsible for the health of Charlotte. I feel that more now than ever. The closer we get to delivery the more I look forward to seeing this family hold the precious cargo that I have been holding for 8 months now.

 

 

 

 

wokwo

31 and 32 weeks

Well it has taken me some time to recoup from such a busy weekend in slc. Most of my 31st week was spent relaxing, as seen below,  just I didn't realize how much it takes out of me to do such simple things now. I am feeling good but very tired and my feet are very sore again. I have found that if I plan to do anything during the day it really needs to be limited to one activity for the day. My mind wants to go go go like usual but my body has been saying slow down and take it easy... so I have listened to my body! But no hernia pain!!! Such a nice relief, I think I'm past that nasty part of pregnancy.

 

I went to the doctor today for my 32 week appointment and all was good! I got an ultrasound to check on placenta placement, since the last 2 ultrasounds were showing a low lying placenta, meaning it was too close to my cervix to deliver vaginally. But lucky for me it has moved higher up on my uterus wall and my doctor is happy to let me deliver vaginally as I have done before. I was super relieved, seeing that a c-section is always a fear for me. Even though I have seen too many to count when I think about me there it terrifies me. And then I would have had to choose just one person to be in the room with me for the delivery. Now that we got the go ahead for a vaginally delivery we can have as many in the room as we want. Not that I want that many but it's nice to know that I won't have to choose between the IF's or the IF's and my husband. Now I will have a room full of boys for the delivery of a princess.

The other good news that the ultrasound gave was Charlotte is head down, way down! No wonder I feel her pushing down on my bladder. The doctor said that my cervix was closed and long, which I clarified was a good thing and was showing no signs of preterm labor!!! But he thinks he may start checking my cervix at my next appointment (34 weeks) due to the fact that I have delivered anywhere from 36-38 weeks.

When he said that it made things so so real. I started thinking on the drive home, wow that means in 4-8 weeks we could have a baby! Holy cow where did the time go? I am now feeling so unprepared and I am not a fan of that feeling. I am going to start thinking of things that I need to do on my end to prep for this baby's arrival and gonna make sure the IF's do too. I need to get a plan for my kids for when I go into labor, and get stuff for my hospital bag, etc. It is different what I think about knowing that the baby isnt coming home with me and not having to get her stuff lined up is nice. But also knowing that this will be happening sooner rather than later makes me feel even more protective. It's amazing the amount of responsibility that I feel. I know that I have always been responsible for her health but now I feel I am going into super protective mode! I want nothing to go wrong till I can deliver her into the hands of her father. I am so aware of every twinge and cramp that it panics me when I know in my head it's all normal but my heart stresses me out. It became real to me that she is very well taken care of but I want to continue to make sure she stays safe and sound another 4 weeks at minimum.

 

30 weeks and baby shower love!

Here I am at the end of my 30th week. It was a pretty quiet week until the weekend. This was the weekend that I went to Salt Lake City to help celebrate baby Charlotte. Yes she has a name and a beautiful one with special meaning to dad. Myself and two other surrogates left Boise Friday and drove down to SLC to enjoy a girls/ surro/ baby weekend. It was so amazing to have two other girls who completely understand all that we have gone through to get to this point and the amazement we have to look forward to. The weekend started out great and as soon as we hit the Utah border it started to snow and boy did it snow. It snowed and snowed and continued to snow. I think that we had about 2-3 hours of non snowy weather. It was so neat to see because we get snow in Boise but not like this.

 We got to stay in the condo of one of the fathers. It was in downtown SLC and it was beautiful. This was my view I woke up to every morning. So pretty to see all the snow. We got the chance to go to breakfast with other Intended fathers that are from our agency and it was amazing to see what special connection the men have and the connection we have with them even if we are not carrying their babies.

 

Saturday after breakfast us girls headed out to do some serious shopping while my IF's got the prep work done for the baby shower. We had such a good time exploring the malls of SLC. I wish we had more time and money to really enjoy what the beautiful city had to offer. As shopping concluded we headed out to the IF's house to celebrate baby Charlotte.

The house looked amazing and there was so

much amazing food and drinks, all orchestrated by the IF's mom and sister. It was truly beautiful. 

This is me by the amazing dessert table that flowed with yummy treats that were all homemade and delicious. There were so many people that came to celebrate the dads addition and the excitement in the room was overwhelming. Everyone had only great things to say about what amazing parents these men were going to make and what a gift I was giving. I had a really hard time accepting their compliments because I was feeling like I was the one who was lucky to be a part of this special family. It was so nice to see how many people this baby will be surrounded by. All completely in love with her before shes even born. It made this whole experience so real and so fulfilling. I know that we have gone through some hard times to get to this place and the feeling I felt that night was worth every shot I had to do, every lab draw, everyday that I was sick and every minute that I am tired. After being a part of their night I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else!

 This is just one of the tables of gifts that the dads received from all the guests. There was at least two more that was full of baby gifts and the floor was covered with diapers to help get them started.

                                                                                           

 

 

 This was such a memorable night for us all and I really enjoyed meeting all of their special family and friends. And I really hope that they can meet some of my family and friends that also support them and me and Charlotte from Boise.

 

 

 

29 weeks

This was a good week. A week filled with some fun from Halloween and a week with some pain from the abdominal hernia. My family and I really enjoyed Halloween and we walked all over the neighborhood and my body continues to handle it well. No cramping no contractions just tired feet. I had lots of fun dressing up this year. Three costumes in all, one for a party, one for the kids class parties and one for trick or treating (which was my favorite!!)

 

As far as the baby goes all is well. I am really growing and people are noticing that I am getting close to delivery time. I know that we still have at least some weeks left but the time is getting closer. My hernia continues to hurt off and on. And I don't want to complain because I know I signed up for this but it is something I am not used to in my other pregnancies. This doll baby doesn't seem to be bothered by the hernia. She is constantly moving  and my stomach is constantly a different shape depending on her position. Its fun to watch her move and get comfy and to watch from the outside and imagine what she looks like. She should be about 2 1/2 to 3 pounds now and I have seen numerous babies at work at the same gestation and am getting more and more excited about bringing this baby to the IF's life.

This time next week I will be in Utah to help the dads celebrate this baby girls arrival at their baby shower. I am getting nervous and excited to meet all the wonderful people that will be in this babies life! Stay tuned!

A busy 28th week

Wow! I can't believe we are already in our 28th week. Just think 10 or so more weeks and this sweet baby could be here! So crazy! There were times when I really thought there was no way this was gonna happen but I am so happy that we had HOPE and faith that it would all work out.

 And here we are at 28 weeks. I have been really busy with work and the family the last couple weeks and time is flying but my body is definitely feeling the growth of the baby. By the end of most days this week my feet were so so tired and sore. No matter what I had done that day or what comfy shoes I had worn my feet still hurt. So my family was so so sweet to help me out. Well the truth is my boys are money hungry so I paid them a dollar each to rub my feet and oh did it feel so good.

The other pain I have had this week is my pesky umbilical hernia. I have had to call in sick to work two days over the last two weeks due to severe pain. Usually I can lay flat and the pain goes away but not this time. Sunday night was miserable. I was really close to calling or going to the er for some kind of pain relief but I knew that the answer would be sorry but there's nothing that can be done. So I iced and binded and took some tylenol and went to bed. Luckily for me the pain went away after some rest. It continues to come and go but the dr. has again stated that as the baby grows my uterus will grow and push against the defect and hopefully keep the pain under control.

I had my 28 week dr appt and glucose test and was happy that one of the IF was able to be there. He got to meet the doc for the first time and see why I love him so so much. We got a lot of our questions answered by the doctor and it's exciting to talk delivery time with him already. He is so patient and  understanding and willing to do whatever we can to make sure that the dads are able to be at the delivery.

27 weeks

I really can't believe that we are here at 27 weeks already. There were times in this journey that I never thought we would get here. I am feeling good for the most part, I am still sleeping well and often. The only part of my body that really hurts is my feet. I think that with the changes in my body my center of gravity is changing and wearing different on my feet. They are super sore after working for 12 hours but also sore after just an easy day at home. I constantly have to have some sort of shoe on for cushion and support. So off to find me some comfy slippers/ shoes that will protect me from pain. I have gotten the kids to rub my feet from here to there and pedicures are a must with extra massage of the feet. Doesn't hurt to be extra pampered right?

A very quick 26th week

The 26th week of this pregnancy is just about over and it went by super quick and uneventful. I continue to grow and feel good. My energy is back for the most part. The only thing I notice is after working or an extended time on my feet they are now starting to hurt and swell. Otherwise the week was good and on to 27 weeks.

Dancing Queen!

There are some days where baby girl is tired and moves but not too much. The other day was not one of those days. She was so crazy! Moving and grooving constantly and I loved it. My 7 year old daughter finally got to feel her move and watch my belly move and she was totally amazed! So I decided to try to video it so that the dads could see how active she is. So here is one of the videos that I took. Look around the 2 or 3 o'clock hour is where most of the movement is seen. And excuse the bare belly. I usually don't show it but it made it easier to see.

25 week bug!

 This is how week 25 started, I wish I could say that I have had that smile on my face all week but unfortunately for me it went bye bye very very quickly.

In this pic I was headed to work Sunday night and I felt good. But by the time my shift ended at 7am Monday morning I was feeling tired, of course, and nauseous. I tried to attribute it to being over tired, which sometimes happens. Or to the fact that I hadn't eaten since 1am when I had my dinner break. Well I made it home and got the kids off to school and tried to head straight to bed as usual. But to my surprise I was up by 11am puking my guts out. I had tried to have some water and within the hour it was back up. I tried to have Gatorade to replace what I was losing and again back up. Then came the chills and body aches and that's when I knew for sure that my lovely children had shared the nasty flu bug that they all had in the week previous. I was in and out of the shower trying to keep warm but that was almost impossible. The highest my temp got was 99.9, which isn't too high but to be honest I was too tired and out of it to find the thermometer to take it regularly. Well by 3pm I was still getting sick and still trying to avoid dehydration with fluids but I was quickly loosing the battle. I then started noticing when I wasn't getting sick I was contracting. Contractions about 3-5 an hour that were noticeable and not super painful like labor but uncomfortable. I contacted a super surro sister, one that happens to be a labor and delivery charge RN where I work, updated her on my status and got her advice... "try to rest for an hour or so, keep trying to hydrate but if the cramping and contractions don't go away come to triage in labor and delivery asap!" So at that point I got a bit nervous. I was pretty sure that they contractions and cramping were from  the dehydration but didn't want them to lead to any preterm delivery, which is common. So I was able to get about 1 1/2 hours of rest and when I woke up I was still getting sick but the contractions were way less noticeable. I was a bit relieved but still felt like a semi truck had run over me, a few times. I continued to take it easy and finally stopped throwing up at about 8pm. And right at about that point I really felt the cramping increase. My pushy husband insisted that I call my doctor, or the doctor on call since it was after hours, and get their advice. So I did and off to the hospital I went. They were too concerned with the cramping but hopeful that we could catch it early enough and just hydrate me.

So as I arrived at the hospital there was an angel face waiting for me... my surro sister, the Labor charge RN was working and there to take care of me and calm my nerves. It is amazing the amount of pressure that I had knowing that if this baby came now it would be super sick and need lots of medical intervention to survive. I never had this amount of pressure with my children and I just wanted everything to go smoothly. Well lucky for me it did. Here is the monitor reading they hooked me up too. My heart rate was elevated, which is to be expected with nerves and dehydration, but the baby's heart rate was a bit elevated too also due to the dehydration. But it was a nice and strong heartbeat which was super reassuring. She was moving and grooving the whole time I was there and that also reassured me and the staff. Once all of my vitals were taken and I spent some time on the monitor the doctor decided I was definitely super dehydrated and first line of treatment would be IV fluids.

And that is exactly what we did. My super RN put in my IV in my arm, took some blood for labwork, and hooked me up to a huge bag of IV fluids. Until the IV fluids started I was still cramping but once about a quarter of the bag was in the cramping stopped my heart rate came down and so did the baby's. It was such a relief. I think I knew deep down that the cramping/contractions were due to the dehydration that I tried to fight but ultimately the bug beat me. But luckily for baby and I the fluids beat the bug! After the IV fluids, lab work, and a influenza test I was set home on orders to rest, relax and continue to hydrate. And that is what I did. I slept through the night and woke up with no nausea or vomiting but still felt the body aches. I got the kids off to school again and back to bed I went. I slept so soundly till like 2pm and when I woke I felt so so much better. And it has only gotten better each day!!!

I really don't think I can remember a time that I was that ill. I am so glad that it's over and has passed through our whole house and hopefully will not be coming back! As of today, I am feeling great. I just got home from my daily am walk with the dog, breakfast down, and now off to get ready for the day. I am super thankful for the hospital staff that treated me, my husband for pushing me to get treatment, my family for putting up with me, my surro sisters for support, my friends and family for the concern and most of all the IV fluids for beating the bug.

and we are viable!

And here she is all bendy and flexible already. I had my 24 week ob appt today and they finished up the 20 ultrasound which means I got some more looks at the doll. She is growing well, as am I, and looks great!! I got to see her face and watched her drink. I could see her open and close her mouth and even saw her move her tongue. She still prefers the position in the picture to the right, with her legs crossed and bent in half.                                                                        

 And as the post title says we have reached viability!! As a nicu RN it is a big deal to reach this point. So heaven forbid something should happen but if she was born anytime she could survive outside of me. But we want and need her to stay put for another few months. And as of now I do not see that being a problem. I am not having any contractions, other than the usual Braxton Hicks (false contractions). She is super active and it's hard to believe that she is about a pound or more now. So weird to see baby's at her gestation and know that is about her size inside of me. It's great to feel her move and I can't wait to share that with the IF's.

And here I am at 24 weeks, growing and expanding. I am feeling good. No nausea or vomiting and minimal pain from the hernia. It acts up here and there but for the most part just looks funny. I am having aches and pains more after working or a busy day but nothing that is not to be expected. Lucky for me my sister is spoiling me for my birthday on Wednesday with a prenatal massage! I can not wait to be pampered!! I am starting to get my appetite back and really getting a sweet tooth. I am still craving sweet fruit, strawberries especially. No weird cravings yet but I can't watch late night food network because just about everything they make looks good and makes me hungry. I am even starting to gain some weight. It's not too much yet, which I am ok with but I am sure the pounds are comin. I finally gave in and went out and bought maternity clothes. With the weather changing my regular jeans werent cutting it anymore and my shirts were getting a bit short. I bought all comfy clothes so that as winter comes hopefully I can continue to grow into them.

One last picture to leave you with. It's difficult when you just look at it but I'll try to describe it. This is a picture of the doll baby's face. Dead center and white is her nose, below that the black half smile. Abover her nose is an eye socket on the right, black in color and to the left is another eye socket white in color. It's difficult to see as a still picture but was super cute to see on the ultrasound.

 



23 weeks and growing!

Here I am, 23 weeks and growing! I am feeling good. My appetite is increasing, I'll be curious to see at my next doctor appointment if my weight increases too. Up to this point I am down about 3 pounds from my starting point, 9 weeks pregnant. I am not too worried because the baby has always measured right on and as you can see I have the tummy to prove that she is growing.

I am starting to get cravings again. I love love yogurt and fruit. Still bananas remain a staple of my diet. I also am starting to get my sweet tooth back. I was scouring the stores earlier this week for pumpkin ice cream and I found it. All it took was a bowl to satisfy my craving and I haven't had it since then. I am really trying to eat as healthy as I can but this is getting hard. I wake up in the middle of the night only to want cereal or jello or weird things that I know we do not have in the house. For the most part the cravings are the fun part of being pregnant.

My umbilical hernia continues to hurt off and on. I can have a really good day and then out of the blue I hurt, and hurt and there is nothing that I can do to keep the pain down. The doctor continues to say put an abdominal binder on to hold down the hernia but that hasn't seemed to help. For the most part it really only hurts when I eat, walk a lot, or stand... so not to often.

The little princess is moving like crazy. I can lay down and feel her wiggle and kick constantly. I can even start to see movement on the outside of my tummy. My kids are dying to feel the baby kick so now that she is getting stronger they will put their hands to my stomach and wait... most of the time they don't have the patience to wait long enough to feel her kick but soon they will. I can't wait to share that feeling with the dads.

It's crazy to me that as of Sunday this baby will be viable. That is a huge milestone for a NICU RN. When I say viable I mean that she could live outside of me and survive. But we have had some serious talks and she will not be making an appearance for a lot of more weeks. I see and work with babies that are about 24 weeks and its surreal to know that's what she looks like inside of me.

A very long overdue update!

   I know that I haven't posted in a while but things are moving right along. From weeks 17-19 I really didn't feel like myself. I was super moody, per my husband, always wanting to lay down, and never wanting to do anything with anyone. I am not sure why I was so out of it, whether it be that I was feeling so crappy, or just a funk I was in. My family couldn't do much right, my friends were non existent and I just wanted to be. But I am 21 weeks now and finally starting to feel normal again. Well as normal as you can when you are pregnant. I have a bit more of an appetite, yeah! I haven't taken my nausea medicine in over 1 1/2 weeks, knock on wood, and I am rarely nauseous!! I continue to feel a little better each day and hope it continues. My husband also says I am in a much better mood more often and my kids and I are doing more activities as I feel better so that really helps.
   Last week I went to the OB for my normal check up and all is good. I have an umbilical hernia that is now causing me pain, as I grow and stretch, but it is so hit or miss. But when it hurts it really really hurts. And of course it seems to bother me most when I am working and the only thing that relieves the pain is lying down and of course I can't do that at work so for now I just deal with it. The OB said that the worst time with my hernia will be this next coming month so I really hope it doesn't bother me too much.
   Also at the OB last week we got our big 20 week ultrasound!! The dads got to come up and it was a quick visit but a good one. It was pretty funny cause they haven't seen me since the 9 week ultrasound and the first thing that one of them said was "wow you have a belly!" Luckily I take that as a good thing in this situation. We got such great news... baby is healthy! We got to see all kinds of details and it was amazing! As the tech scanned me it was awesome to see the dads face and just take in all the excitement. I could tell they were a bit overwhelmed with the whole ultrasound but so nice to hear that baby is growing great and looking good. I am constantly reassured with all the kicks that I am feeling but it is nice to see it for ourselves.

And here is the little PRINCESS!

Yes that's right it's a GIRL!!!

Me and the proud papas right after we found out!

After all the good news it really started to sink in that we are over half way there and things will start happening before you know it. There is still so much to discuss and so many plans to make. But it is all very exciting for us all. I am hoping to get to go to Utah, (the dads home) for either a baby shower or a quick visit to meet the families of these two guys. And we are hoping for another visit up here to meet my kids and family. It seems like we have tons of time but really delivery will sooner than we think, but not too soon. I have never made it to my due date and really I am not expecting this time to be any different.

I promise I will try to post more pictures, including a baby bump pic, as soon as I get a good one. Really soon I hope.





 

dreams are scary!

After working all night I went to bed and had the scariest dream... I dreamt that I went in for my next ob check up and he put the doppler to my stomach and we heard a lot of confusion. So he sent me over to the ultrasound lady and she found 2 babies. ugghhh. So then the doctor and I were talking and he said well that would explain why you are so big for 17 weeks and why you are still feeling sick, the baby must have produced another baby. He was all excited because it was such a medical miracle and I was not so excited.
It is kind of funny how dreams can scare me but then I realized it must scare the IF even more. But the good news is I have had many ultrasounds already and nothing abnormal found.

15 week update

   Well I'm now 15 weeks and not much has changed. I am still without an appetite and feeling tired and nauseous. I have been taking some medicine to help with the nausea but it has other side effects that aren't very pleasent. But I have been eating a bit more, although it is very forced on my end. I continue to struggle with eating but hoping any day now it will get better. It's so different because my kids were never like this.
   About 4-5 days ago I started to feel what I think is the baby moving. That was really exciting. It's not the same as feeling my own move but it was more exciting for the IF. I was at work and couldn't wait to tell him. But it was 3am and knew I didn't want to disturb him at such an hour. I text him when I got out of work and he was super excited. It just feels like gas bubbles right now and as the baby grows I am so excited for the IF to be able to share in this feeling.
   On Friday night I went to a party with lots of my girlfriends to be read by a psychic. I went in feeling pretty unsure of what he would tell me and what he could tell about me. He had no previous information about me or my current situation. I was shocked at the information he was telling me. Not sure that I am a believer yet but it was pretty neat. The first thing he says to me is "I see babies around you". I was sitting down in a big comfy chair with a loose fitting dress on so there was no way to see my little baby bump. Then he tells me that I will have 5 children total. (not sure if that includes the miscarriage or not but hey maybe I'm meant to do this again someday). Then he tells me not to worry because the baby is super healthy, which is such a relief because we haven't received any results from the early screening testing yet but hey, no news is good news to me. And also being a NICU RN I was constantly worrying with my kids that some freak genetic thing would occur and it has not changed even though this is not mine. Then he carries on and asks me if I want to know what it is and I say yes and he says it's A GIRL! Which doesn't really surprise me because I had a dream a long time ago that it's a girl. He carried on about my personality and things to happen in my life in the future and most of it was right on. Some things he was off a bit but he described my husband to a T, and he wasn't there and had never met me. So I guess at my 20 week ultrasound we will get to see if he is right. Either way as long as the baby is healthy like he said I will be happy.

ugghhhh not again!

I thought that as you enter the 2nd trimester things were suppose to get better. Nausea was suppose to lessen, vomiting was suppose to disappear and the extreme tiredness would fade... well maybe I'm not in far enough because I am more nauseous, vomiting more often and so tired I can barely keep my eyes open at times.  I was started on Zofran, a medication to help with the nausea, yesterday and the does seem to help me have some kind of interest in eating but man once that stuff wears off... I am just forcing myself to eat and most of the time it comes right back up. I think that is why I am so so tired too. If I am not processing enough food then my body can't take advantage of all the goods. So I have also started drinking protein shakes that the OB recommended. They seem to help a bit but I am hopeful.
Baby and I had a talk tonight. I told he/she that if baby is nice to me I will promise to feed it whatever it wants whenever it wants. And I will promise to take such great care of he/she until Daddy takes over. So lets hope that he/she was listening.

13 weeks and out of the miscarriage zone!

I went to the OB's today and heard two super duper great things. First I heard the baby's heartbeat from the Doppler machine, a basic microphone that is applied directly to my stomach, and it was strong and steady! And second I heard the Dr. tell me "you are out of the miscarriage zone!" So holy moly I'm having a baby!

Today is the first day of the second trimester and supposedly you start to feel better at this point but today and the last few have been rough ones. I am super duper nauseous. No vomiting but I can't eat anything. The doctor wasn't too concerned and neither am I, I totally remember this stage, and I hope it ends soon. I also have been so tired the last couple of days that I really could sit on the couch and do nothing all day if my kids and life allowed it. But they don't.

I took this video for the IF's so I thought it would be fun to share. Its kind of hard to hear but listen close and towards the end you hear the strong heartbeat!

12 weeks and med free!

The pics are hard to see but the top one is the baby waving at us, and the bottom one is baby chillin in my uterus. I went in today for my early screening ultrasound and blood work and baby looked great. Measuring a day ahead and a strong heart rate of 153. It is such an awesome relief everytime I get to catch a sneak peak at this angel. And to top it all off I am offically weaned off all medication!

super indecisive body

My body has become so indecisive! I'm hungry when I start making dinner or ordering dinner but by the time it is cooked or delivered I'm stuffed without taking a bite. When I do feel like eating... I can't make a decision on what to eat. Nothing sounds good but I know I need to eat but can't find anything that sounds appetizing. Once I do force myself to eat after two bites the nausea hits and I'm too sick to eat. I clearly remember this stage with my kids and I can't wait for it to be over! I know that I shouldn't complain because it could be so much worse. I am thankful that it means my hormones are taking over since I am weaning off the meds. And knock on wood...(knock, knock) I have yet to get sick and really hope it stays that way. I've been close but fended it off so far.

Lots to share!

   I feel like in the last few days so much has happened and I have so much to share. First on Friday I went to my first ob appointment. It was so nice to see my ob again and to be a normal pregnant girl. But it was different too because they don't know all that we have been through to get to this point. I had a brief ultrasound so that they can confirm my dates... even though I know exactly how far I am, the ultrasound tech had to make sure that I knew what I was talking about and surprise surprise when I was right on she was shocked. I told her trust me I know the dates, we have been working at this for a year now. She wasn't very patient with me with my questions and I was trying to get lots of pictures for my IF but she was determined to do just her job and get on to the next. Oh well, I still got two amazing pictures of the baby and saw and heard the heartbeat. Baby is growing right on track so that's what matters. My ob was the total opposite of the ultrasound tech. He was patient, answered all of my questions, encouraging to me and open to talk with the IF's at an extended length if they so desired. All and all I think it was a good appointment and will return in 3 weeks for my next ob check up.
   I then headed off for a weekend of camping with family and friends. I really enjoyed myself and had lots of time with the family to relax and make some awesome memories. I continue to feel good. I am tired and my allergies have been pretty nasty. But if that is the worst of it... I can handle that. Very little amounts of nausea and no vomiting at this point (knock on wood). Small but frequent meals have been the key. This baby is being nice to me and I really appreciate it. Maybe all the hard stuff we went through to get here was the worst of it.
   On Sunday I spent the day camping but sent out some quick texts to the important dads in my life. My dad was with us, my grandpa, father in law, brother and my IF. I sent a cute little pic of my growing tummy with the text and realized that we were 10 weeks on fathers day... 1/4 of the way to our goal. It was such a great day and I am so lucky to be able to help him become a father.
   As we headed home from camping my husband and I decided that we would tell the kids of all the exciting news that we had been keeping quiet on. We explained what we were doing and why and they were so excited. My youngest put his hands on my tummy and tried to feel the baby, my middle child was talking to my stomach asking if the baby could hear her. And my oldest kept saying how proud of me he was and how he couldn't wait to help this family. It was such a relief and such a good feeling to see that they understand this baby is not ours and they really were excited to meet the dads and to help them. They kept telling me how awesome this idea was and how they couldn't wait to share it with everyone. They had a few cute questions but really mostly just loving thoughts and words for me. I love them and their hearts. Such an awesome lesson to be teaching them. I feel honored to share this with them.
   Stay posted for more amazing info. I will attempt to put the 10 week ultrasound pic on the blog and will keep you posted on our progress.

We've Graduated!

Today could not have been any better. This day has been weighing heavy on my heart. This was the day 7 months ago that we saw a sleeping angel. But today we saw an active baby measuring two days ahead. We not only got to see the baby move but heard the heartbeat! It was such a time of excitement!
So now we are graduated from the fertility clinic and off to my normal ob. I start weaning off the meds next week and no more lab draws or ultrasounds every week or two.
The feelings are indescribable. I feel like I can breathe now and start to enjoy this. With a 3% chance only of miscarriage now I feel confident that we will have a happy healthy baby come January 13th 2013.

Bananas in my oatmeal, bananas on my granola, banana smoothies, banana snow cone, bananas on a peanut butter bagel, chocolate covered frozen bananas, banana bread, bananas on my ice cream, just a plain banana with peanut butter... any way it comes I will eat em. I seriously heart bananas right now.

Where we were and where we are

Friday we jumped another hurdle. I can't tell you the relief that I feel each time we successfully get to another milestone. This is where we started  on April 27th, fingers crossed and just hoping that third times a charm...

And here is where we are as of friday...

One baby growing comfortably measuring two days ahead of schedule. I am elated. It was so nice to see a heartbeat at that appointment, both the IF and I let out a deep sigh and were relieved to get here... again.

I have been so cautiously excited to make it past each step that I have told very few people and not really let me believe that we are pregnant. Until Friday, I had a hard time looking past the present. I am and was just so scared that at anytime the other shoe is gonna drop and something unexpected will happen again. I guess that is still a possibility but the chances are decreasing as time goes by. The ultrasound Friday was such a success. No stresses, no clots, no reason for worry, but lots of reasons to celebrate. Now all we have left at the clinic is one more ultrasound and then we start weaning. I think at that point I may be able to look toward the future and celebrate where we are.

The ones that know are asking how I'm feeling and the answer is good. I'm tired and reasonably hormonal, gotta love the hot flashes. But for the most part I'm happy and healthy and doing great. I will keep posting here with my progress but really wanted to say how happy I am that we are inching toward our goal with very few stresses.

and it continues to rise!

  I got my 20 post transfer beta drawn this morning and it was 2,416. They were looking for anything over 1,000 to be considered pregnant. So I guess they are just now considering me pregnant, even though I have considered myself that since transfer. They also drew my estrogen and progesterone and they also remain within normal limits, meaning no more weekly lab draws!! I do continue taking my daily shots and medications and continue to let my body catch up till 9 weeks and then we can start weaning off the meds.
  They also got me scheduled for our 7 week ultrasound to see the heartbeat and determine how many babies are in there. Most of the time the 20 day beta is above 3000 for twins but another surrogate in our group is pregnant with twins and her 20 day was 2800. So there really is no telling till we see the heartbeat(s).
   I also found out that after our first transfer, the one that resulted in a miscarriage, my level at this point was only 1300, so that left me with a positive feeling and continued hope that this time I will be able to give the IF's the healthy baby that they so deserve!! Every time I get more good news it starts to settle in that this is really happening. I feel like we have been trying for so long that it's almost surreal. I am still cautious as I know that things can change so fast. But I continue to have HOPE that this is it.
  What's next, you ask? 7 week ultrasound on May 25th.... stay tuned.

Hormones gone wild!

Holy smokes! These hormones are not messing around. I really don't remember being this crazy with my other pregnancies. It's kind of funny when I look back at the moments but not so funny living em. First I wake up out of a dead sleep every now and again sweating like crazy! Then ten minutes later I am freezing. In the morning I am again sweating and I ask the hubby "is it hot in here?" and with shivering teeth he tells me "um no its absolutely freezing!". So I didn't really think much of it until the next round of super hormones hit me. I went into work and got told I needed to float to a different unit to support them and what happens to me... tears start rolling down my cheeks. Now mind you, I have been trained to work on that floor and its not like gross nursing but I don't know what happened. I NEVER cry at work. I think it is such a sign of weakness and just don't do it. I may cry in the car on the way home but that is just for me. And again tonight I get the same info and what happens... more tears. They must think I am super crazy.

The results are in!

These past 10 days went by fairly quickly... well until the very last day. Monday was a long long day of waiting and hoping and wondering and speculating. My labwork was drawn at 10 am and by 4:30 neither the IF or myself had heard any results. Patience is not my strong suit, luckily my husband kept me occupied with lots of little things. By 4:30 my patience had run dry and I think my husband was tired of seeing me pace so I called the clinic only to hear that lovely busy signal. 15 minutes later I got the great news that my betas were in. They drew my hcg (pregnancy hormone) at 7 days post transfer and 10 days post transfer. They want to see the first beta over 6 and the second beta double. My first beta was 23 and the second was 62!!! That means we are PREGNANT! (well at least chemically, they don't consider it to be truly pregnant until the 7 week ultrasound when you can visualize a heartbeat.) That news made me really finally take a deep breath and relax... momentarily. I now continue on my medications and they will draw another HCG level at 20 days post transfer where they would like to see the beta above 1000, which would show them that the embryo(s) are implanted and growing as they should be.
My IF and I are really happy. It is one hurdle out of our way now I just wanna keep seeing things progress as they are suppose to. I want no big hurdles or anything to divert us from my IF's bringing home a healthy baby or babies? The miscarriage that we suffered in Nov. really has tainted my view and I don't wanna have all the excitement only to suffer again. I know that nothing can be done but what I am doing... so I will keep hoping that all works out for the best.
I have been so fortunate and continue to be. I have the best support system ever. My friends, family and fellow surro's have been so so supportive to me and the cause. Thank you for the calls, texts, babysitting help, laughs, words of confidence, prayers and everything else. xoxo to you all.

just waiting...

I am now waiting and will continue waiting till next monday afternoon. On friday afternoon we transfered two good looking embryos into my spongey uterus. I had two full days of bed rest, which I actually enjoyed. And now I have resumed my life and wait for the embryos to attach.
This is quite the emotional ride. When I had started this project... over a year ago now, I assumed that the emotional part would be at the baby's birth. I was sure I was strong enough to hand these great people their baby without a problem, and I continue to believe that. What I didn't realize was the emotions that I would feel prior to even getting pregnant. The first transfer I was naiive. I thought well why won't it work, I've never had problems getting pregnant. Which I have learned has absolutely nothing to do with getting pregnant via IVF. The second transfer I was sure that it would work because it had worked the first time. I was so upset when I heard the negative result and so hurt that these people couldn't yet bring a baby into this world when they so desired. Now after this transfer I am terrified. Before I was so anxiously awaiting my lab results and couldn't help taking home pregnancy test and this time I am not taking a home test and not counting the days till the results. I just want them to be positive so bad but I know that worrying and stressing doesnt change anything. So I am just gonna relax, live my life and keep HOPE!

13 days and counting!

I can't believe I haven't posted since Feb. It was a devastating hit to me when the second transfer didn't take. I had a dream the night before I got results that it wasn't successful but I was trying to stay positive. It took me some time to reflect about what happened and where to go from there but here we are... 13 days till next transfer. :)
We have waited and done all the prep work and now we are on to the good stuff. I started meds and we are just monitoring and prepping for transfer on April 27th. I am cautiously optimistic about this transfer. He has two frozen embryos remaining from retrieval in September so I am really hoping the third times a charm. I want to think positive and I am but I really don't want to hurt the IF's and myself again if the result is the same as either of the first two transfers.
He deserves this baby and I wanna be able to help him get there.
Fingers crossed.

Negative

   Got the call yesterday afternoon that my pregnancy labs were negative. That means not pregnant. No success with this transfer. I was to say the least so upset. I wanted it so bad this time. And everything looked better than last time. My blood levels were within normal, my lining was thicker, I was on less medication, the embryos looked great, and still no success. I asked what I did wrong and /or what I could have done differently and they answered nothing. It all comes down to the odds that we were given, 50/50.
The big question is what's next? Well it's all kind of up in the air right now. I stopped all my meds today and now just let hormones relax and once I have a cycle we can go again... that is if the IF's want to. I know that there are more embryo's to thaw so now it is up to them. I have a feeling that we will try again and I hope it will be asap.
Third times a charm!

Now...Just waiting!

   Well four days ago I was implanted with two healthy looking blastocysts. I really am not sure too much on the terminology but the clinic only had to thaw two embryos and they were really happy with the quality of them. I had such a mix of emotions the days prior to transfer but the night before transfer and the day of I was just filled with positive thoughts, hope, and excitement.
   Transfer went smooth and I really enjoyed my 2 days after resting and relaxing. I watched lots of movies and TV and read a book or two. My husband and kids spoiled me just like the last time we went through this. I am now just trying to stay positive and really just wait. We will be getting labwork taken on Wed and Friday with results coming back to us late Friday evening. I am really hoping this time will be it.
   I have some friends and family asking how I feel and to that I answer, fine! I have been more tired than usual, so we are hoping that is a good sign. I have decided, along with my IF, that we aren't gonna take home pregnancy tests this time prior to the lab results. I know that it isn't going to change results either way but we are just gonna let the labwork speak. Although I do have to admit I am very anxious to hear what the labwork says.

it's a go!

I went in today for a lining check and another weekly blood draw and IT'S A GO! My lining was at 8... they like 6-8. Last time we struggled to get it to 6.5-7. This time it is way easier for my body. My blood levels have been so good that I am not on one additional med to help thicken my lining this time. I am so super happy about that because that med was nasty to my body. So as of now I start my big mama shots and pre transfer meds on saturday and don't need to go back to the clinic till transfer day!! Nothing holding us back from a transfer on Feb 9th... that's 10 days (but who's counting!)

back on the wagon

I am back on the wagon... the medication wagon that is. I never thought that I would be excited to stab my booty with a 1 1/2 inch long needle but I am. I am that excited because I know that means we are getting closer to transfer day. I had a baseline ultrasound on Thursday and my lining and uterus look as they should and started Estradaol shots on Fridays and Tuesdays to help plump up my uterus. I continue to get accupuncture once a week and I am feeling very positive about this time around.
18 days and counting till transfer!

We have a plan!

Yes, we finally have a plan. No more up in the air waiting.  When I went in for my last lab draw I got the call that the results were negative!! That is exactly what we needed. Then the confusion started. One person said one timeline, another said something totally different and so on and so forth. But it doesn't matter now because I was able to get into see the doctor today and she gave a go ahead. All parts of my uterus are looking good and healed and ready to get pregnant again.
I received my calendars for this month and next that detail all the med stop and start dates and lab draws and ultrasounds. I made all my appointments through Feb. so full force ahead... and I am excited again!
So now the plan looks like this:  meds, meds, acupuncture, and more meds to prep my body for another transfer of two healthy embryos. To which is planned for Feb. 9th. So positive thoughts and wishes are welcome!