I went in today for my 9 week scheduled ultrasound and to our surprise and saddened hearts we saw a sleeping angel baby without a heartbeat. I was to say the least devastated. The clinic attributes it to the bleeding that happened a little over a week ago and the thought that the stress of it all was too overwhelming for the baby to survive. The growth of the baby stopped about 3-4 days after the bleeding. The meds I am on have kept the baby inside of me but nothing could keep the baby living.
I felt so defeated and like such a failure. All day I have been racking my brain to figure out what I was doing or what I did wrong and in my heart I know that I did nothing wrong but my heart still hurts. Lucky for me I have some amazing friends and IF's. The fathers were so positive and loving towards me and all that we have gone through together that I couldn't have asked for more. My friends and other surrogates have been so supportive and caring towards the situation and appreciate all the love shown toward me.
So now we take a deep breath and let my body get back to normal before we try again. Yes we are going to try again and I have confidence that the next time will be the time that we get a healthy baby for these amazing guys.
Ohhhh Marci I am soooo sorry. What an emotional journey. I know all too well. You will bring those dads a healthy baby.....I know it! Lots of love and positive joojoo your way!
ReplyDeleteMarci you can do it, a body is amazing gift and you will do it at the right time! You are AMAZING!
ReplyDeleteMarcie, I am so terribly sorry for this loss. Not only for you and your family, but for the family that you were giving this most amazing gift to. My heart is breaking for all of you- and I know that you know that you are not alone on this part of the journey. I am so happy to hear that you will be trying again when you body and some wounds heal. You and the little one have been in my thoughts for the past several weeks. I know that this precious baby has gone back to Heaven to await the time for them to return. Sending you love and hugs- hang in there and if you want to talk you know where I am.
ReplyDeleteSara