It has been about 45 days since we miscarried and about 30 days since I posted anything and really not much has changed. We continue to wait for my hormone levels to return to zero. I continue to get my blood drawn every two weeks and I continue to hope to hear that day that the number is zero. I continue to not hear that but we are getting close.
One week after miscarrying my number was 972, two weeks after that my number was down to 61 and two weeks after that my number was down to 5 and now we wait two more weeks to hopefully hear we are clear to go. Not that I am sure what that would exactly mean... I have heard a few different options for what is to be next in our journey but for now we know that we need to drop that number to zero to move on.
In hopes of moving the number quicker I have started acupuncture. The other surrogates in my support group and some friends of mine swear by it. There have been studies to show that acupuncture helps increase blood flow to the uterus and increase fertility. I have heard numerous stories about failed attempts and then following acupuncture a positive outcome...a healthy baby or two. The acupuncturist swears that it will help renew and refresh me and also prep my body for the pending transfer and upcoming pregnancy. I have been two times and it is a totally new experience for me. It is almost like he is talking a different language to me. I've had 13 needles carefully and specifically placed each session along with a heat lamp over my abdomen to work it's magic. The acupuncturist recommends one session per week up till transfer but with the holidays I won't be back till after the new year. I enjoy the sessions and do feel that it gives me more energy and positivity in this journey and everyday.
The intended father gave me the best advice for now... "let's just enjoy the holidays and look forward to January." And that is exactly what I intend to do.
Happy Holidays
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Looking Forward
I just really wanted to say that I am ok. Many people have been checking on me and really I am doing better. There are definitely times that I struggle with the miscarriage but I know that won't help anything. So I continue looking forward.
I continue to bleed and shed the lining in my uterus, as my body attempts to return to normal. The lining that we worked so hard to build up and now we hope will quickly thin so we can move on. I went in today for lab work and to get a new plan established with the fertility clinic. My HCG hormone has dropped significantly since the last time it was checked but that was when I was approximately 5 weeks pregnant and when we wanted it to be high. Now we want it to drop. The plan is to recheck the level in 2-3 weeks and go from there. Hopefully it will be down to zero and we will be talking about a frozen transfer. I have heard that acupuncture helps lower levels after miscarriages and then increases blood flow to the uterus when doing IVF so I may just try that to help my body do what it needs to.
I continue to bleed and shed the lining in my uterus, as my body attempts to return to normal. The lining that we worked so hard to build up and now we hope will quickly thin so we can move on. I went in today for lab work and to get a new plan established with the fertility clinic. My HCG hormone has dropped significantly since the last time it was checked but that was when I was approximately 5 weeks pregnant and when we wanted it to be high. Now we want it to drop. The plan is to recheck the level in 2-3 weeks and go from there. Hopefully it will be down to zero and we will be talking about a frozen transfer. I have heard that acupuncture helps lower levels after miscarriages and then increases blood flow to the uterus when doing IVF so I may just try that to help my body do what it needs to.
Monday, November 7, 2011
The last few days
Friday was extremely hard, emotionally. I had a really hard time getting my head around what had occurred. I knew that this was a risk that we took when we started this process but was not expecting it at all.
Saturday was a little bit easier but continued wondering what if I was fifteen pounds lighter, what if I was less or more active, was it my sleeping on my stomach that one time??? I continued to know deep down that it was nothing I did but the thoughts continued in my head.
Sunday was much better. No tears were shed and acceptance had set in. I was upset but started looking to the next step, passing the baby. The anxiety then set in. I had read lots on line and was super scared for what was to come. Thanks to other surrogates and the clinic my worries were put to rest. I took the medication at 10:30pm last night and passed what I believe was the baby @ 3:15am. I forgot what contractions really felt like, whew. And to know that they weren't leading to the goal of a healthy baby birth was really hard. I got through it and am feeling better now. I finally got some sleep after 4 am and am just cramping now. Mentally I am accepting what has happened in the last few days and I know that we will be ok.
I can't thank all my friends and family enough for the continued love and support that has been shown to me during these few days.Even though my husband was out of town he was amazing. My IF's were also so uplifting and supportive and that truly made such a difference. I am excited to be on this journey with them. I am such a lucky girl.
Saturday was a little bit easier but continued wondering what if I was fifteen pounds lighter, what if I was less or more active, was it my sleeping on my stomach that one time??? I continued to know deep down that it was nothing I did but the thoughts continued in my head.
Sunday was much better. No tears were shed and acceptance had set in. I was upset but started looking to the next step, passing the baby. The anxiety then set in. I had read lots on line and was super scared for what was to come. Thanks to other surrogates and the clinic my worries were put to rest. I took the medication at 10:30pm last night and passed what I believe was the baby @ 3:15am. I forgot what contractions really felt like, whew. And to know that they weren't leading to the goal of a healthy baby birth was really hard. I got through it and am feeling better now. I finally got some sleep after 4 am and am just cramping now. Mentally I am accepting what has happened in the last few days and I know that we will be ok.
I can't thank all my friends and family enough for the continued love and support that has been shown to me during these few days.Even though my husband was out of town he was amazing. My IF's were also so uplifting and supportive and that truly made such a difference. I am excited to be on this journey with them. I am such a lucky girl.
Friday, November 4, 2011
A sad update...
I went in today for my 9 week scheduled ultrasound and to our surprise and saddened hearts we saw a sleeping angel baby without a heartbeat. I was to say the least devastated. The clinic attributes it to the bleeding that happened a little over a week ago and the thought that the stress of it all was too overwhelming for the baby to survive. The growth of the baby stopped about 3-4 days after the bleeding. The meds I am on have kept the baby inside of me but nothing could keep the baby living.
I felt so defeated and like such a failure. All day I have been racking my brain to figure out what I was doing or what I did wrong and in my heart I know that I did nothing wrong but my heart still hurts. Lucky for me I have some amazing friends and IF's. The fathers were so positive and loving towards me and all that we have gone through together that I couldn't have asked for more. My friends and other surrogates have been so supportive and caring towards the situation and appreciate all the love shown toward me.
So now we take a deep breath and let my body get back to normal before we try again. Yes we are going to try again and I have confidence that the next time will be the time that we get a healthy baby for these amazing guys.
I felt so defeated and like such a failure. All day I have been racking my brain to figure out what I was doing or what I did wrong and in my heart I know that I did nothing wrong but my heart still hurts. Lucky for me I have some amazing friends and IF's. The fathers were so positive and loving towards me and all that we have gone through together that I couldn't have asked for more. My friends and other surrogates have been so supportive and caring towards the situation and appreciate all the love shown toward me.
So now we take a deep breath and let my body get back to normal before we try again. Yes we are going to try again and I have confidence that the next time will be the time that we get a healthy baby for these amazing guys.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
bleeding :(
So here is a little background information to get the whole picture. I went last Friday for my 7 week ultrasound and as you know we found 1 healthy baby. But we also found a pretty sizable clot, which they suspect to be where the other embryo attempted to attach but didn't survive. They said they would just keep an eye on it and most likely it will just reabsorb back into my body and not cause any worries. The clinic said it was common and they have seen it before so they didn't seem to worried but by the face that the person doing the ultrasound I got the feeling that it was bigger than they like and expect.
So that takes us to Monday night, I got to come home from work early because we weren't busy enough and I climbed into bed at 3am. I was awoken at 4am by a gush of blood. I ran to the bathroom where I saw more bleeding than I have ever wanted to see. I started to really worry but knew that at just 7 weeks pregnant there was nothing anyone could do. I cleaned up and went back to bed to attempt to sleep. I had some pretty intense cramping and was really scared. But I was able to go back to sleep and woke at 9. I went to tell the husband what had happened and as I stood up from the couch more gushing blood. Again I really started to worry about this baby. I called the clinic and they got me in immediately. I was relieved that they could see me so quickly but know that when they put you on the schedule immediately it is pretty serious. I went to the clinic and had another ultrasound where they saw that the clot was almost completely gone, good news. But while I was there she saw the amount of bleeding and was concerned. So she put me on an additional progesterone medication and bedrest. But the baby looked good. And that was all I was concerned about.
I went home and was happy to hear that the baby was ok and that the clot was gone but I remained scared that the bleeding would return. I followed her directions strictly and the bleeding has stopped. The cramping has stopped and I am off bedrest!! All good news!
Tomorrow I am 8 weeks exactly. One more week till my last ultrasound at the fertility clinic, and then hopefully I will be cleared to go to my OB and be a regular patient. I am hoping that the bleeding is done and the only excitement to be seen is the good news of a healthy baby.
So that takes us to Monday night, I got to come home from work early because we weren't busy enough and I climbed into bed at 3am. I was awoken at 4am by a gush of blood. I ran to the bathroom where I saw more bleeding than I have ever wanted to see. I started to really worry but knew that at just 7 weeks pregnant there was nothing anyone could do. I cleaned up and went back to bed to attempt to sleep. I had some pretty intense cramping and was really scared. But I was able to go back to sleep and woke at 9. I went to tell the husband what had happened and as I stood up from the couch more gushing blood. Again I really started to worry about this baby. I called the clinic and they got me in immediately. I was relieved that they could see me so quickly but know that when they put you on the schedule immediately it is pretty serious. I went to the clinic and had another ultrasound where they saw that the clot was almost completely gone, good news. But while I was there she saw the amount of bleeding and was concerned. So she put me on an additional progesterone medication and bedrest. But the baby looked good. And that was all I was concerned about.
I went home and was happy to hear that the baby was ok and that the clot was gone but I remained scared that the bleeding would return. I followed her directions strictly and the bleeding has stopped. The cramping has stopped and I am off bedrest!! All good news!
Tomorrow I am 8 weeks exactly. One more week till my last ultrasound at the fertility clinic, and then hopefully I will be cleared to go to my OB and be a regular patient. I am hoping that the bleeding is done and the only excitement to be seen is the good news of a healthy baby.
Friday, October 21, 2011
7 weeks today!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
ugggghh that smell!
I despise this part of being pregnant, and I remember it so vividly. This morning my husband and I prepped a nice carne asada steak and all the toppings for a full Mexican dinner. We let the steak marinate all day. It sounded so amazing and I was so ready to dig in until the moment he started cooking it. At that point I lost all my appetite and started to get nauseous. No matter what I did the smell of dinner was making me sick. It was all throughout the house and everyone was anxious for dinner, everyone but me. So as the family sat down to a big Mexican feast I sat there with them and ate saltine crackers with peanut butter and jelly on them, my staple for a small meal when nothing else sounds good. I distinctly remember this feeling when I was pregnant with my second and I also remember that it is going to happen at the most random of times and with the most random of foods.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)