and it continues to rise!

  I got my 20 post transfer beta drawn this morning and it was 2,416. They were looking for anything over 1,000 to be considered pregnant. So I guess they are just now considering me pregnant, even though I have considered myself that since transfer. They also drew my estrogen and progesterone and they also remain within normal limits, meaning no more weekly lab draws!! I do continue taking my daily shots and medications and continue to let my body catch up till 9 weeks and then we can start weaning off the meds.
  They also got me scheduled for our 7 week ultrasound to see the heartbeat and determine how many babies are in there. Most of the time the 20 day beta is above 3000 for twins but another surrogate in our group is pregnant with twins and her 20 day was 2800. So there really is no telling till we see the heartbeat(s).
   I also found out that after our first transfer, the one that resulted in a miscarriage, my level at this point was only 1300, so that left me with a positive feeling and continued hope that this time I will be able to give the IF's the healthy baby that they so deserve!! Every time I get more good news it starts to settle in that this is really happening. I feel like we have been trying for so long that it's almost surreal. I am still cautious as I know that things can change so fast. But I continue to have HOPE that this is it.
  What's next, you ask? 7 week ultrasound on May 25th.... stay tuned.

Hormones gone wild!

Holy smokes! These hormones are not messing around. I really don't remember being this crazy with my other pregnancies. It's kind of funny when I look back at the moments but not so funny living em. First I wake up out of a dead sleep every now and again sweating like crazy! Then ten minutes later I am freezing. In the morning I am again sweating and I ask the hubby "is it hot in here?" and with shivering teeth he tells me "um no its absolutely freezing!". So I didn't really think much of it until the next round of super hormones hit me. I went into work and got told I needed to float to a different unit to support them and what happens to me... tears start rolling down my cheeks. Now mind you, I have been trained to work on that floor and its not like gross nursing but I don't know what happened. I NEVER cry at work. I think it is such a sign of weakness and just don't do it. I may cry in the car on the way home but that is just for me. And again tonight I get the same info and what happens... more tears. They must think I am super crazy.

The results are in!

These past 10 days went by fairly quickly... well until the very last day. Monday was a long long day of waiting and hoping and wondering and speculating. My labwork was drawn at 10 am and by 4:30 neither the IF or myself had heard any results. Patience is not my strong suit, luckily my husband kept me occupied with lots of little things. By 4:30 my patience had run dry and I think my husband was tired of seeing me pace so I called the clinic only to hear that lovely busy signal. 15 minutes later I got the great news that my betas were in. They drew my hcg (pregnancy hormone) at 7 days post transfer and 10 days post transfer. They want to see the first beta over 6 and the second beta double. My first beta was 23 and the second was 62!!! That means we are PREGNANT! (well at least chemically, they don't consider it to be truly pregnant until the 7 week ultrasound when you can visualize a heartbeat.) That news made me really finally take a deep breath and relax... momentarily. I now continue on my medications and they will draw another HCG level at 20 days post transfer where they would like to see the beta above 1000, which would show them that the embryo(s) are implanted and growing as they should be.
My IF and I are really happy. It is one hurdle out of our way now I just wanna keep seeing things progress as they are suppose to. I want no big hurdles or anything to divert us from my IF's bringing home a healthy baby or babies? The miscarriage that we suffered in Nov. really has tainted my view and I don't wanna have all the excitement only to suffer again. I know that nothing can be done but what I am doing... so I will keep hoping that all works out for the best.
I have been so fortunate and continue to be. I have the best support system ever. My friends, family and fellow surro's have been so so supportive to me and the cause. Thank you for the calls, texts, babysitting help, laughs, words of confidence, prayers and everything else. xoxo to you all.

just waiting...

I am now waiting and will continue waiting till next monday afternoon. On friday afternoon we transfered two good looking embryos into my spongey uterus. I had two full days of bed rest, which I actually enjoyed. And now I have resumed my life and wait for the embryos to attach.
This is quite the emotional ride. When I had started this project... over a year ago now, I assumed that the emotional part would be at the baby's birth. I was sure I was strong enough to hand these great people their baby without a problem, and I continue to believe that. What I didn't realize was the emotions that I would feel prior to even getting pregnant. The first transfer I was naiive. I thought well why won't it work, I've never had problems getting pregnant. Which I have learned has absolutely nothing to do with getting pregnant via IVF. The second transfer I was sure that it would work because it had worked the first time. I was so upset when I heard the negative result and so hurt that these people couldn't yet bring a baby into this world when they so desired. Now after this transfer I am terrified. Before I was so anxiously awaiting my lab results and couldn't help taking home pregnancy test and this time I am not taking a home test and not counting the days till the results. I just want them to be positive so bad but I know that worrying and stressing doesnt change anything. So I am just gonna relax, live my life and keep HOPE!

13 days and counting!

I can't believe I haven't posted since Feb. It was a devastating hit to me when the second transfer didn't take. I had a dream the night before I got results that it wasn't successful but I was trying to stay positive. It took me some time to reflect about what happened and where to go from there but here we are... 13 days till next transfer. :)
We have waited and done all the prep work and now we are on to the good stuff. I started meds and we are just monitoring and prepping for transfer on April 27th. I am cautiously optimistic about this transfer. He has two frozen embryos remaining from retrieval in September so I am really hoping the third times a charm. I want to think positive and I am but I really don't want to hurt the IF's and myself again if the result is the same as either of the first two transfers.
He deserves this baby and I wanna be able to help him get there.
Fingers crossed.

Negative

   Got the call yesterday afternoon that my pregnancy labs were negative. That means not pregnant. No success with this transfer. I was to say the least so upset. I wanted it so bad this time. And everything looked better than last time. My blood levels were within normal, my lining was thicker, I was on less medication, the embryos looked great, and still no success. I asked what I did wrong and /or what I could have done differently and they answered nothing. It all comes down to the odds that we were given, 50/50.
The big question is what's next? Well it's all kind of up in the air right now. I stopped all my meds today and now just let hormones relax and once I have a cycle we can go again... that is if the IF's want to. I know that there are more embryo's to thaw so now it is up to them. I have a feeling that we will try again and I hope it will be asap.
Third times a charm!

Now...Just waiting!

   Well four days ago I was implanted with two healthy looking blastocysts. I really am not sure too much on the terminology but the clinic only had to thaw two embryos and they were really happy with the quality of them. I had such a mix of emotions the days prior to transfer but the night before transfer and the day of I was just filled with positive thoughts, hope, and excitement.
   Transfer went smooth and I really enjoyed my 2 days after resting and relaxing. I watched lots of movies and TV and read a book or two. My husband and kids spoiled me just like the last time we went through this. I am now just trying to stay positive and really just wait. We will be getting labwork taken on Wed and Friday with results coming back to us late Friday evening. I am really hoping this time will be it.
   I have some friends and family asking how I feel and to that I answer, fine! I have been more tired than usual, so we are hoping that is a good sign. I have decided, along with my IF, that we aren't gonna take home pregnancy tests this time prior to the lab results. I know that it isn't going to change results either way but we are just gonna let the labwork speak. Although I do have to admit I am very anxious to hear what the labwork says.