just waiting...

I am now waiting and will continue waiting till next monday afternoon. On friday afternoon we transfered two good looking embryos into my spongey uterus. I had two full days of bed rest, which I actually enjoyed. And now I have resumed my life and wait for the embryos to attach.
This is quite the emotional ride. When I had started this project... over a year ago now, I assumed that the emotional part would be at the baby's birth. I was sure I was strong enough to hand these great people their baby without a problem, and I continue to believe that. What I didn't realize was the emotions that I would feel prior to even getting pregnant. The first transfer I was naiive. I thought well why won't it work, I've never had problems getting pregnant. Which I have learned has absolutely nothing to do with getting pregnant via IVF. The second transfer I was sure that it would work because it had worked the first time. I was so upset when I heard the negative result and so hurt that these people couldn't yet bring a baby into this world when they so desired. Now after this transfer I am terrified. Before I was so anxiously awaiting my lab results and couldn't help taking home pregnancy test and this time I am not taking a home test and not counting the days till the results. I just want them to be positive so bad but I know that worrying and stressing doesnt change anything. So I am just gonna relax, live my life and keep HOPE!

13 days and counting!

I can't believe I haven't posted since Feb. It was a devastating hit to me when the second transfer didn't take. I had a dream the night before I got results that it wasn't successful but I was trying to stay positive. It took me some time to reflect about what happened and where to go from there but here we are... 13 days till next transfer. :)
We have waited and done all the prep work and now we are on to the good stuff. I started meds and we are just monitoring and prepping for transfer on April 27th. I am cautiously optimistic about this transfer. He has two frozen embryos remaining from retrieval in September so I am really hoping the third times a charm. I want to think positive and I am but I really don't want to hurt the IF's and myself again if the result is the same as either of the first two transfers.
He deserves this baby and I wanna be able to help him get there.
Fingers crossed.

Negative

   Got the call yesterday afternoon that my pregnancy labs were negative. That means not pregnant. No success with this transfer. I was to say the least so upset. I wanted it so bad this time. And everything looked better than last time. My blood levels were within normal, my lining was thicker, I was on less medication, the embryos looked great, and still no success. I asked what I did wrong and /or what I could have done differently and they answered nothing. It all comes down to the odds that we were given, 50/50.
The big question is what's next? Well it's all kind of up in the air right now. I stopped all my meds today and now just let hormones relax and once I have a cycle we can go again... that is if the IF's want to. I know that there are more embryo's to thaw so now it is up to them. I have a feeling that we will try again and I hope it will be asap.
Third times a charm!

Now...Just waiting!

   Well four days ago I was implanted with two healthy looking blastocysts. I really am not sure too much on the terminology but the clinic only had to thaw two embryos and they were really happy with the quality of them. I had such a mix of emotions the days prior to transfer but the night before transfer and the day of I was just filled with positive thoughts, hope, and excitement.
   Transfer went smooth and I really enjoyed my 2 days after resting and relaxing. I watched lots of movies and TV and read a book or two. My husband and kids spoiled me just like the last time we went through this. I am now just trying to stay positive and really just wait. We will be getting labwork taken on Wed and Friday with results coming back to us late Friday evening. I am really hoping this time will be it.
   I have some friends and family asking how I feel and to that I answer, fine! I have been more tired than usual, so we are hoping that is a good sign. I have decided, along with my IF, that we aren't gonna take home pregnancy tests this time prior to the lab results. I know that it isn't going to change results either way but we are just gonna let the labwork speak. Although I do have to admit I am very anxious to hear what the labwork says.

it's a go!

I went in today for a lining check and another weekly blood draw and IT'S A GO! My lining was at 8... they like 6-8. Last time we struggled to get it to 6.5-7. This time it is way easier for my body. My blood levels have been so good that I am not on one additional med to help thicken my lining this time. I am so super happy about that because that med was nasty to my body. So as of now I start my big mama shots and pre transfer meds on saturday and don't need to go back to the clinic till transfer day!! Nothing holding us back from a transfer on Feb 9th... that's 10 days (but who's counting!)

back on the wagon

I am back on the wagon... the medication wagon that is. I never thought that I would be excited to stab my booty with a 1 1/2 inch long needle but I am. I am that excited because I know that means we are getting closer to transfer day. I had a baseline ultrasound on Thursday and my lining and uterus look as they should and started Estradaol shots on Fridays and Tuesdays to help plump up my uterus. I continue to get accupuncture once a week and I am feeling very positive about this time around.
18 days and counting till transfer!

We have a plan!

Yes, we finally have a plan. No more up in the air waiting.  When I went in for my last lab draw I got the call that the results were negative!! That is exactly what we needed. Then the confusion started. One person said one timeline, another said something totally different and so on and so forth. But it doesn't matter now because I was able to get into see the doctor today and she gave a go ahead. All parts of my uterus are looking good and healed and ready to get pregnant again.
I received my calendars for this month and next that detail all the med stop and start dates and lab draws and ultrasounds. I made all my appointments through Feb. so full force ahead... and I am excited again!
So now the plan looks like this:  meds, meds, acupuncture, and more meds to prep my body for another transfer of two healthy embryos. To which is planned for Feb. 9th. So positive thoughts and wishes are welcome!